Tantra has been around for about 6000 years through various religions and encompasses many different areas such as meditations and mantras. If you google tantra you will discover articles about sex positions, love making, and tantric sex to name a few. Even “Sex and the City” had a foray into it when Charlotte invited the girls to a Tantric Sexuality demonstration back in 2013. But the type of tantra we see most these days is Western tantra or Neo tantra and was developed in the 1960’s. It utilizes much more of the sexual practice and combines it with spirituality and meditation to make it appealing to the masses.
Tantra is slow, purposeful…meaningful. It involves making time for connection, paying attention to things like smells, light in the room and temperature. There is time taken to connect, to notice the subtleties of the breath against skin, the warmth and pressure of you pressing against me. And its purposeful. It takes time. This doesn’t happen the first time that you try tantra. We are out of practice. Think of a small child when they laugh, I mean really laugh. Its with their whole bodies. They bend and twist and nearly burst with the laughter. They enjoy the sensation of it throughout their whole bodies. Because they are still open, they are still ok with feeling in their bodies. They have not been told or told themselves not to embrace the wonderful feelings they are experiencing.
Tantra is like that in a way. But it takes relearning. Undoing the conditioning that we have told ourselves. And slowing down and feeling. And we are afraid because there is so much in the way of having those lovely experiences. Shame, embarrassment, rules… to name a few. This is why women are not experiencing orgasms and men are quickly ejaculating or just not ejaculating. Our mind is running the show and slow and feeling are not part of its vocabulary any more.
In its essence it s about slowing down and experiencing the subtleties of being alive. For example, eating and noticing what our food tastes like, feels like in our mouths. Feeling the wind or sun on our skin, the texture of a coat, or the fur of a dog. All of our living is done at such a super pace that we don’t notice these things so much. Everything is done fast without paying attention to it, even sex. Get hard, get wet or not, rub, push against each other, eyes closed, fast frictional and done!! Not that there is anything wrong with this if you like it this way but this is not tantric.
Being able to be in our bodies and really experience what we are feeling is foreign and so when teaching tantra we start with the very basics. We start with eyes closed, fully clothed, and initiate non sexual touch. Breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth at a normal breathing rate helps people to get out of the thinking mind. We focus on the subtleties of touch and what sensations they are experiencing rather than what the mind tells them they are getting or not getting from the experience. And this may be all that happens in the first session. As I mentioned it is an undoing initially from the frictional experience that most people require to feel things these days. And its about getting comfortable with slow connection and also about being able to receive.
I have been practicing and teaching tantra for about seven years now. I went to tantra initially because I was in a relationship that wasn’t going well and I wanted to find out how to be more feminine, more sexy, more womanly. I had been living a very busy life of a mum, wife and full time registered nurse whilst helping my husband with his business. I was busy doing doing doing all the time. Each person has masculine and feminine energy in their bodies. The masculine is the deciding energy, the doing and the feminine is the nurturing energy, the flow. Women are mostly more feminine and men are mostly more masculine. I believed that because I utilized more masculine energy in doing things in my life and making decisions all the time, I was out of balance. And through tantra I discovered that my out of balance feelings were not about the energies but about being disconnected from feeling in my body at all. I was just too busy to be me.
Most of the people that come to see me are great at giving. “Oh I love to give to my partner”. That’s because its far easier to “do” something to another than to “be” with the feelings that they are experiencing. Once we start to link the pathways again of being in the body and pleasure states as simple as noticing the sun on your skin or the pressure of your lover lying next to you, it doesn’t take long before we can enhance these sensations and experience pleasure throughout the whole body. My first experience with tantra was tingling in my hands and feet and nothing much else. But after practicing slowness and breathing I was able to reach pleasure states that I had never experienced before in my life. Tantra talks about full body orgasms. This is very achievable and orgasmic feelings that last for hours, even days are all part of why people learn tantra. I have had experiences where I was laughing and crying at the same time and wondered if I would ever return to my mind again as I was so much in my feeling body. It was truly the most sensual experience I have ever had. And believe it or not this can be achieved with non sexual touch once you are practiced at feeling in your body.
Tantra is a beautiful practice to learn and share with your partner but it initially is about your connection with yourself. It is the ultimate method of self care – honoring yourself first. You need to connect to yourself first to share your true self with another, it’s the way it has to be done, not the other way around so you fill up you before you can be depleted by another. And there is no depletion because you are not doing anything to another person, you are just being with you in the experience and feeling what it is like to interact with another persons energy.
For more information regarding tantric sessions feel free to contact me via email with any questions or for some suggested reading on the subject check out https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CS3WXL8.